Disclaimer: You guys know by now that I tend to be a little inappropriate. My role role models in life are questionable, at best. My values are certainly skewed, and I tend towards swearing, drinking, and wearing miniskirts with obscenely high heels. I guess what I’m trying to say is, please don’t be offended by the following post or take me too seriously. After all, if I were a dog, I word more likely be Paris Hilton’s Tinkerbell than Lassie.
At least I don’t try to be something I’m not, right?
So as someone who has been in therapy for the majority of her life (God, I say that being crazy is something to be proud of), I have a strong interest in psychology and truly enjoy analyzing things. And I have been thinking a lot recently about how recovering from an eating disorder is a lot like ending a toxic relationship. As someone who has experienced both, I have found some uncanny similarities.
What is a toxic relationship, you ask? You guys know what I am talking about. By the mid-twenties, most women have experienced this sort of relationship. The constant butterflies in the stomach combined with total nausea. The feeling of complete desperation- desperate to be with the person, desperately pathetic when without them. The take-no-prisoners entitlement to drama that manifests in arguments with that person- making scenes, pitching fits, calling names, making threats. The insecurity and constant desire for absolutes, promises, and comfort.
Yes, you might love the person, but this, my friends, is a toxic relationship. Sometimes they occur because one or both of the parties involved are not ready for this serious level of involvement due to age, maturity, or proximity to another breakup. The relationship drama is exasperated by life settings- in other words, it would be “perfect” if it were “just the two of us.” In my case, my life setting, a small liberal arts college in the middle of nowhere that was ruled by Mean Girl type politics, magnified all the issues. A comment on Facebook, a sorority or fraternity event, a blossoming friendship, an evening with the “girls” or “boys,” a ride home from a party, a day when one person spent extra time to look attractive- all of these things were potential threats to the relationship and the cause for the aforementioned drama-filled disagreements or feelings of nausea. Lovely, isn’t it?
How could someone like us, someone with intelligence, drive, spark, and ambition, succumb to such an unhealthy way of life? They don’t say love is blind for nothing.
I know you all know what an eating disorder is, but because I defined a toxic relationship I will also define an eating disorder in the name of consistency. An eating disorder is defined by Webster’s as “any of several psychological disorders (such as anorexia or bulimia) characterized by serious disturbances of eating behavior.” More specifically, anorexia nervosa is defined as “a serious disorder in eating behavior primarily of young women in their teens and early twenties that is characterized especially by a pathological fear of weight gain leading to faulty eating patterns, malnutrition, and usually excessive weight loss.” Again, lovely, huh?
So we have these two situations, a “toxic relationship” and an eating disorder that involve self-inflicted pain, irrational behavior, an overwhelming sense of desperation, and ultimately, health problems, the latter possibly causing death. I think that comparing the two is useful- if you have been through one, it might make the other seem a little easier to understand. For example, if you have been through (and recovered from!) a toxic relationship but are struggling with an eating disorder, identifying similar destructive behaviors that you overcame may help you identify the destructive nature of similar ED-related behaviors.
And so, my friends, follow my in this kind-of-serious, but kind-of-tongue-in-cheek analysis of two of adolescent/young women’s biggest problems. More to come! 
5 Comments
November 12, 2009 at 3:59 pm
Great post! I agree that recovering from an eating disorder is like breaking up with a toxic boyfriend. It’s such a serious and gloomy process, so I appreciate your tongue-and-cheek approach!
I’m sure people have recommended this book to you, but if not, it is a great read:
Life Without Ed: How One Woman Declared Independence from Her Eating Disorder and How You Can Too (by Jennie Schaefer)
November 12, 2009 at 4:34 pm
Please, please give me more. In my case, it was because of a toxic relationship that I developed my eating disorder. I still have not fully recovered from either one after 5 years! Both have been in and out of life over this time and I just can’t move on or control either. Does this make sense? I hope to hear more about your situation. Any advice would be helpful.
November 12, 2009 at 5:04 pm
I have often referred to getting over my ED as getting over a toxic boyfriend. You know he is bad, you want him gone, you just don’t how to move on from him. And it is REALLY a struggle to avoid, in moments of weakness, to falter and go crawling back to him.
happiness awaits
November 12, 2009 at 7:37 pm
So glad to see you back in the blog world…I have missed your inappropriateness. : )
November 23, 2009 at 3:01 am
[...] an Eating Disorder in 10 Easy Steps! Part 2 Jump to Comments If you haven’t read the Introduction or Part 1 of this series, I encourage you to start with [...]