Break Up with Your Boyfriend or Recover from an Eating Disorder in 10 Easy Steps! Part 2

If you haven’t read the Introduction or Part 1 of this series, I encourage you to start with these! 

Step 3:  REMOVAL FROM DANGER or DISTRACTION

So you ran out on Mr. Wrong at the altar.  Or you’ve admitted to yourself and your stuffed animals that you are hungry and tired.  What’s next?  STAY AWAY.  Right after the breakup is the your vulnerable time- the time when you are most likely to return to old habits because they are “comfortable” or “safe” to you.  This could mean seeing Mr. Wrong, checking him out on Facebook, going for yet another 7 mile walk, or choosing to consume an unsafe amount of calories for the day. 

DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT!!  This is your detox period.  If you can get through this first while without succumbing to your “comforts,” you will be much more likely to recover.  If you are going through a breakup, this means not SEEING, TALKING TO, STALKING ON THE INTERNET, or “PRETENDING TO RUN-IN” to your ex.  Just don’t do it.  If you are recovering from an eating disorder, your doctor may outline certain behaviors that you are simply NOT ALLOWED to engage in right now:  eating below x number of calories, exercising, reading diet books, etc.  It might even be neccessary for hospitalization to completely remove your from the power to practice these unsafe habits and regain some strength.

Or…

Here’s where it gets a little unwholesome.  When I was going through my toxic breakup, I was in college, and found some wonderful ways to self-medicate distract myself.

Being in a sorority helped tremendously- I always had a service event, party, or project to participate in. This particular project was a keg race versus one of the craziest frats at school. We passed with flying colors.

Not that I am advocating binge drinking to get you over a breakup.  I realize, especially now that I am an adult and only drink maybe twice  a month, that drinking and having a job don’t really go hand in hand.  I also realize that many people with eating disorders might have mixed feelings about alcohol because of calories, and that now is not the best time to be experimenting with liquid cals.  But, there are good distractions that lie outside of partying and dancing.  You guys know what they are:

1.  Friends- the second you get that urge to call him, call one your besties and arrange for manicures/outlet shopping/pretzels and gossip immediately. 

2.  Family- when was the last time you get

3.  Yoga/dance/basket weaving/letter writing- you get the drift- a relaxing and uplifting hobby

4.  Work- thank GOD you have somewhere to be all day every day!  This is x number of hours a day (I won’t even pretend most of us work 40 hours a week) that you are required to think about something else!  Relish it!  Work overtime!  If you hate your job, find ways to incorporate your itnerests into some extra projects, like a PR plan for an ipcoming project, or designing an informative pamphlet.  WORK IT.

Not only will distractions keep you from the treadmill/facebook/caloriecount.com/crying, but they will remind you that there is more to life than your boyfriend or anorexia.  This is so important, because recovery is about getting YOUR life back.  So distract away!

Step 4:  REALITY CHECK

 Ok, so at this point in my breakup, I had spent a couple of weeks totally avoiding the inevitable:  realizing that I was single, and that I had to move on with my life.  I couldn’t go to parties every night, avoid eating,  or sleep in my sorority sisters’ beds for the rest of my life.  I had to return to my apartment, dance team practices, and the library or I would risk losing all of the good things I had worked hard to maintain (a healthy body, my position as captain of the dance team, good grades, etc.).  Now that I couldn’t avoid my newfound singledom, how would I stay away from my ex?

By realizing how awful a situation I was in.  In either a toxic breakup or an eating disorder, you reached a point where you couldn’t continue (see Step 2: The Breakup).  Now is the time to meditate upon the reasons why you’re through with HIM or ED, and to repeat them to yourself every day and every night until they are etched onto your soul.

I remember carrying the book It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken with me EVERYWHERE at this point in my breakup:  to class, to meals, to sorority meetings.  Every second I wanted to break down and cry, text, or do something else irrational, I would read a REALITY CHECK passage to bring me back to Planet Earth.  I would also pull out a list I wrote of all the reasons why we broke up.  Now’s your turn.  I’ll start:

• Constant fighting
• Feeling insecure
• Being belittled
• Emotional abuse
• Wanting the milk for free without buying the cow (SO IMPORTANT)

or….

• Constantly cold
•  Not being able to enjoy time with friends
• Not wanting to be touched by husband/boyfriend/etc.
• Constant worry about calories
• Anxiety surrounding every social event
• Constant fatigue
• Work performance declining

Now that I’ve gotten you started, write.  And keep writing.  You don’t ever have to stop.  Keep this list in your purse, or on your Blackberry, and at any second of the day (Who cares if it’s in a meeting/at the dentist/on the subway?  This is your health!!) add to it should you be so inspired.

Read it.  Read it not just daily, but several times a day.  Morning, noon, and nightly, remind yourself what a jackass your ex is or how horrible you were treating your body.  Having trouble?  Ask a friend read you the list. You need to associate your vice with all the negative things it has done to your life, and the only way to do is to acknowledge your suffering. 

PS:  Sorry for the long time in between posts!  As I previously mentioned, I had surgery a week ago and have been recovering…. slowly.  Stay tuned for part 5!!!! xoxoxo

Break Up with Your Boyfriend or Recover from an Eating Disorder in 10 Easy Steps! Part 1

Step 1:  DENIAL
I don’t need to explain to you what denial is, so instead I will give you some examples that I remember from my various trials with gentlemen and body image:

 

Someone isn't acknowledging the pink elephant in the room.

“I know that you are supposed to eat at least 1200 calories a day, but I don’t need really need to.”

 

“Even though I am a size [way too small] I’m still not too skinny.”

 

“I have no idea why I feel like I am going to faint all the time.  I mean, I just ate an apple.”

 

“I hate it when people say that I don’t eat!  I eat three times a day. Just because I don’t eat a lot doesn’t mean there’s a problem.”

 

“Being this thin may be trying but it makes me feel so wonderful that the ’side effects’ [aka ruining your life] are worth it.”

 

 or

 

“Ok, so maybe we fight a lot, but when things are good, things are really really good.”

 

“We’ve known each other for so long that we are more like family, so it’s ok that we don’t really like each other.  We’re connected for ever.”

 

“I’m putting up with this now because he has promised he will marry me.  It’s just going to take some time.”

 

“He’s only so incredibly jealous all the time because he realizes how lucky he is to be with me.”

 

“That time he [called me a name, hit me, screamed at me in public, threatened me] doesn’t mean he’s a bad guy.  He was just blinded with rage because of something bad that I did.”

 

“Sometimes I feel like the only way to get his attention is to do something drastic, like starve myself, drink to oblivion, flirt with lots of other guys, or act like I don’t like him at all.”

 

“I know that being with him is so painful, but I would rather be miserable with him than miserable without him.”

 

Step 2:  THE BREAKUP

 

 

 

If you're at his house, in a restaurant, at the altar, just abandon.

 

 

Every unhealthy/dangerous cycle of behaviors, whether it be a toxic relationship or ED, has a breaking point:  the point at which things can’t continue as they are.  In EDs, it unfortunately, is sometimes death, but in other cases it is simply “hitting rock bottom.”  Perhaps you are fainting  and can’t get through a day at work, or so much of your hair has begun falling out, or you can’t sleep through a night because it hurts to lie down.  Whatever it is, you realize that the reason you can’t function/think/live/love/have fun is because you are starving, and if you ever want your life back, you have to make some changes.  Maybe you were wrong- maybe x number of calories a day or x number of pounds on your frame isn’t enough to sustain life.  The breakup here has to come from you, though.  Your parents might throw you in the hospital or your boss might force you to take sick leave to get help, but until you are ready to change, there will be not change.  That’s why the breakup is so important.  You are dumping your old lifestyle with the knowledge that it has ruined you and the only way to be happy again is to get some help.

 

 Similarly, breakups happen in relationships (duh).  In this case, either you or your significant other can initiate the break.  Either way, in toxic relationships, it is usually equally painful.  This is because toxic relationships don’t allow for clean breaks. 

 

“I love you, but I’m just not ready for that level of commitment right now.”

 

“I need some space to be on my own before we get married.”

 

“I love you, but you make me so unhappy that we can’t be together.”

 

“Our relationship is too intense- too much fighting, too much emotion, just too much.”

 

You see, these breakups never happen because you stop loving each other.  On the contrary, you might feel closer than ever because you miss the person so much.  But now is the time to acknowledge that this is not a “break,” it is a break-up.  Much like too much weight loss literally eats away at your body, a toxic relationship eats away at your psyche.  Acknowledge, whether you dumped him or he dumped you [I am using the pronoun "him" simply because it applies to my voice] that the relationship is OVER and nothing will get you back together.  That’s why you broke up. 

 

 

 

Break Up with Your Boyfriend or Recover From Your Eating Disorder in 10 Easy Steps!!!

Disclaimer:  You guys know by now that I tend to be a little inappropriate.  My role role models in life are questionable, at best.  My values are certainly skewed, and I tend towards swearing, drinking, and wearing miniskirts with obscenely high heels.  I guess what I’m trying to say is, please don’t be offended by the following post or take me too seriously.  After all, if I were a dog, I word more likely be Paris Hilton’s Tinkerbell than Lassie. 

At least I don’t try to be something I’m not, right?

 So as someone who has been in therapy for the majority of her life (God, I say that being crazy is something to be proud of), I have a strong interest in psychology and truly enjoy analyzing things.  And I have been thinking a lot recently about how recovering from an eating disorder is a lot like ending a toxic relationship.  As someone who has experienced both, I have found some uncanny similarities. 

What is a toxic relationship, you ask?  You guys know what I am talking about.   By the mid-twenties, most women have experienced this sort of relationship.  The constant butterflies in the stomach combined with total nausea.  The feeling of complete desperation- desperate to be with the person, desperately pathetic when without them.  The take-no-prisoners entitlement to drama that manifests in arguments with that person- making scenes, pitching fits, calling names, making threats.  The insecurity and constant desire for absolutes, promises, and comfort.

Yes, you might love the person, but this, my friends, is a toxic relationship.  Sometimes they occur because one or both of the parties involved are not ready for this serious level of involvement due to age, maturity, or proximity to another breakup.  The relationship drama is exasperated by life settings- in other words, it would be “perfect” if it were “just the two of us.”  In my case, my life setting, a small liberal arts college in the middle of nowhere that was ruled by Mean Girl type politics, magnified all the issues.  A comment on Facebook, a sorority or fraternity event, a blossoming friendship, an evening with the “girls” or “boys,” a ride home from a party, a day when one person spent extra time to look attractive- all of these things were potential threats to the relationship and the cause for the aforementioned drama-filled disagreements or feelings of nausea.  Lovely, isn’t it?

How could someone like us, someone with intelligence, drive, spark, and ambition, succumb to such an unhealthy way of life?  They don’t say love is blind for nothing. 

I know you all know what an eating disorder is, but because I defined a toxic relationship I will also define an eating disorder in the name of consistency.  An eating disorder is defined by Webster’s as “any of several psychological disorders (such as anorexia or bulimia) characterized by serious disturbances of eating behavior.”  More specifically, anorexia nervosa is defined as “a serious disorder in eating behavior primarily of young women in their teens and early twenties that is characterized especially by a pathological fear of weight gain leading to faulty eating patterns, malnutrition, and usually excessive weight loss.”  Again, lovely, huh?

So we have these two situations, a “toxic relationship” and an eating disorder that involve self-inflicted pain, irrational behavior, an overwhelming sense of desperation, and ultimately, health problems, the latter possibly causing death.  I think that comparing the two is useful- if you have been through one, it might make the other seem a little easier to understand.  For example, if you have been through (and recovered from!) a toxic relationship but are struggling with an eating disorder, identifying similar destructive behaviors that you overcame may help you identify the destructive nature of similar ED-related behaviors. 

And so, my friends, follow my in this kind-of-serious, but kind-of-tongue-in-cheek analysis of two of adolescent/young women’s biggest problems.  More to come!

Shopping>worrying

Gorgies- thank you for your lovely reactions to my silly last post.  Life is literally draining me, but I had something interesting happen to me this week that I thought I would share with you.  No, not the tasteless OM3 that took place on Gossip Girl…

I refuse to dignify GG's writers with an attempt to express my disdain for last night's ickiness. That is all.

 I was approaching my trip to the “doctor’s” (red: therapist/nutritionist/md – no point in sugar-coating!) with particular enthusiasm.  I hadn’t been in two weeks, and to be totally honest I was feleing uh-mazing!!  I had been up to tons of exciting stuff recently…

I was recognized on the Metro the other day- (Hi lady- so nice to meet you!!!)- by a reader!!!

Not that I should be TOO surprised- I do stick out like a sore thumb at ALL times.

I had  rekindled my love affair with “off-black” stockings…

My girlfriends celebrated my birthday (which is really this coming Saturday) over the weekend with a lovely dinner out…

My wedding is in 68 days…

And I’d been indulging in the Whole Foods salad bar (curried tempeh?!  balsamic roasted tofu?! charred eggplant salad?!!!!  gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa) more often than my wallet would prefer, but it was doing wonderful things for my tummy’s mental health!

Some might think "buying" mental health is an off-color idea, but you are talking to the wrong girl. I bought my friends by joining a sorority, bought my fiance with pairs of confidence-boosting 5-inch stilettos, bought my way into a fancy job by wearing fancy clothes, and dammit, I am going to buy my happiness with tempeh!!!

What were we talking about?  Shopping?  Oh, right.  So you see,  I had many happy things to tell my therapist yesterday.  Of course first came my monthly-ish appointment with my nutritionist.  The same drill ocurrs each time- I summarize some stuff, get weighed, we talk about the same stuff that I already know, and that’s it.  Although I don’t know the exact number, my nutritionist will tell me if I went up or down on the scales.  Yesterday I was up 2.5lbs from where I was 6 weeks ago.  I immediately felt miserable and horrible about myself.

Suddenly, I forgot about all of the wonderful things I was about to report to my therapist and started crying the second I sat down in her office.

BULL SH**.

I finally came to a decision that empowered me even more than than lusting over Blair’s fetching red dress replete with festive plumage, adorable side ponytail, and perfectly-coordinated-yet-contrasting-accessories made me feel…

Goddess

I decided I didn’t want to be weighed AT ALL anymore.  No more.  I know in my heart that my, um, lady troubles start tomorrow and that is most likely why the number was up, but truthfully, I DON’T WANT TO KNOW regardless!  Hearing about weight gain makes me unhappy and learning of weight loss makes me happy.  Neither are a good thing- I’m simply reminded of the misconceptions and lies that I tell myself. I have been telling my doctors that I hate being weighed, but I knew it was time for me to put my foot down and tell them enough was enough.

And ya know what else?  I didn’t want to have to regularly see a nutritionist anymore.  When you have an eating disorder for, hmm, 13 years, you kind of out-expert the experts.  She even admitted there is nothing she could teach me, and frankly, the less I think about WHAT I’m eating, the better I am.   I’ve been eating the same-ish healthy diet for a year and a half and talking about it on a regular basis felt not only futile, but limiting.  Yes, I eat my whole grains, protein, fats, fruits, and veggies.  Yes I occasionally have treats.  No I don’t binge.  No I don’t restrict.  Enough already!

So I simply asked my md to let them (1) stop weighing me and to (2) turn any nutritionist appointments to an as-needed basis. And you know what?  She completely agreed and thought this was a healthy attitude.  Healthy people don’t need to see nutritionists because they are eating and exercising FINE and ya know what?  I am just fine. 

Please note that I don’t recommend this to anyone who is in the thrust of an eating problem, but for me, continuing to dwell on it just makes it worse.  I don’t really talk about it with my therapist or my fiance anymore.  Talking about my dissatisfaction with my appearance or my anxiety around food only makes these irrational feelings more REAL.  It only acknowledges them.  And frankly?  I don’t want to give those thoughts any credit. 

So that’s why I decided that in my many efforts to reduce my stress, one of them will be to not to “feed” my eating disorder by evaluating the things I eat so I can update my nutritionist accurately, by knowing that my weight has gone up or down, by trying to “dig” to the center of my insecurities.  As far as I and anyone else I know can tell, I am healthy and doing fine.  I’d rather think about Kim Kardashian, stuffed animals, and sipping Temperanillo in a piazza with my love than think about my anxieties surrounding food.  Enough!

Check it- my priorities are STRAIGHT, yo.

All right folks- thanks for reading.  I have surgery on Saturday, and after that I will be out of the office for a couple of weeks so I hope to update during recovery.  Perhaps you might get a painkiller-induced litany of honest truths, or an ode to Kim Kardashian.  Either way, I’m going to be in my jammies with Mike at my service for at least a week so I’ll have plenty of time to write something incoherent fetching.  Cheers!

Why Men Marry Bitches

LOVERS!  I miss you guys so much- you wouldn’t believe it!!!!  Thank you all for your encouraging emails and sweet comments.  I have been gone for so long I can’t believe it- and believe you me, I have been a busy busy girl.  What have I been up to?

-Working my butt off.  Long days, night work, weekend work.  It’s been TRYING to say the least, but worth it:  I got my promotion!!!  I am now officially a curator!!

I wanted to celebrate, but I didn’t get a raise (standard ) so I decided to do a bargain celebration and ordered a used Louis Vuitton off of Ebay.  The way I see it, they are supposed to last foreva so a slightly used one is even more CLASSIC! 

-I have been indulging in the fall’s rich colors and lush textures.  I love me some tweed!

-Growing my hair out so it is long enough to put up (I swear I am fixing my roots tonight- I look like so trashy!!!)

-Planning my wedding.  This one is a doozy.  As it gets closer and closer (Jan. 17!) there are more and more details!

Hahahaha

Breaking in my wedding shoes

-Amongst all the serious stuff, there has been time for copious amounts of fun.  Celebrating one of my very bff’s shower, bachelorette, and wedding:

We do very well at piano bars.

My bff Bunsie (center) just ran a marathon on Sunday!!! So proud <3<3<3

-My bridal shower and bachelorette partyin NYC.

My maids are the shiz.

I heart my lady friends more than words can describe.

-Eating healthy.  No food pics, but envision salads, tofu, tempeh, tons of honeyscrisp apples, oats, nuts, peanuts butter, brown rice, and sprouted grain bread.

-Preparing for some big events.  This weekend is my grandfather’s funeral, so I am leaving DC directly after work tomorrow and won’t be back until Tuesday night.  I am so grateful my whole family will be there to pay tribute to him.  My grandmother even asked me to read at the service!  Luckily, Petey will be making the trip to help everyone.

<3<3<3

So am I back?  Unfortunately, not yet.  I am still working a LOT and have my days and nights completely booked from the moment I wake until the moment I crash in the bed.  Have no fear, gentle readers.  I have a surgery coming up (nothing to be alarmed about- I’m healthy!) in mid-November that will put me out of work for 2 weeks.  I expect to be able to do some blogging from home.  It may not involve the most interesting food, but perhaps it will enable to write about my deep philosophical thoughts about Kim Kardashian and Gossip Girl.

Girl killed it at the Emmys.

"At least I am walking the red carpet and not working the door."

And so, my precious darlings, I still must be away for a brief period longer.  But rest assured, I will be back soon with surly comments and other updates galore.  Hope you all are having a fabulous fall!!!!!

Time Off

Hi guys- sorry to not post in the past couple of days.  Unfortunately, it is time- I saw this coming.  I have mentioned how incredibly stressed I am with wedding planning, dr’s appointments, and my job, and now my grandfather is very sick, and my family needs to stick together to get through this one.  Last night, Mike and I watched an hour of tv together and it made me feel so much better.  In this time when my life is so hectic that I don’t even have time to return phone calls, I need to try to cut back in order to better handle my pressing responsibilities.  So I’ll be taking a little time off, sadly- I’ll miss you all very much and will be back soon- I promise!

xoxoxoxo

September 15....

At Peace

Sexies!  It’s Frrriiiday and I am lovin’ just a few more hours of work after this lunnchie break.  TOday I am feleing pretty good and getting a lot done at work.  Except.  I have a huge deadline for an article on Monday and I can’t seem to get inspired to write so I am crossing everything off my to-do list (phone calls, letters, etc.) except the damn article.  Oh well.  At least my outfit is superfun today:

Totally random mix- Ann Taylor blouse, Benneton pants, Jessica Simpson pumps, H&M belt and Lulu necklace. I don't know why my face so awkward- I think I am trying too hard to smile at 7:30 in the morning.

Yesterday was a fantastic day.  I felt so positive and upbeat.  I had a definite spring in my step and tons of energy.  I say it’s about time, ’cause girls that wear four inch heels and pink nail polish SHOULD feel good.  Am I right?

"I once had to judge a tighty-whitey contest for Lambda Kappa Pi. Trust me, I can handle anything. "

Thursday morning’s breakfast was another delightful chocolate covered strawberry smoothie made with spin, almond milk, chocolate protein powder, and 4 frozen strawberries.  Loving it.  I tried having a “normal” breakfast of a yogurt mess the other morning, and having all that food sloshing in my stomach during my power walk 3 miles uphill to work was NOT pleasant in this DC humidity.  My smoothies make me feel great!

 

Midmorning snack was a baggie of wasabi peas and Brazil nuts.  I am all about Brazil nuts recently.  Their selenium levels are out of this world, and I love their big, buttery flavor.

 

Loonchie was lovely and MUCH better than a turkey sandwich.  With a side of celery I had a completely overstuffed wrap filled with a light Laughing Cow, spinach, 1/4 avocado, 1/5 block tofu, chopped fresh basil, and a little drizzle of goddess dressing.  It was so overstuffed I just ate it with a night and fork and thoroughly enjoyed the combo of flavors!

 

Lunch’s dessert was a banana with a shot of Barney Butter.  So satisfying.

 

I chugged away for the afternoon getting a good amount done and once my tummy started grumbling, I happily dug into my afternoon snack of a Cherry Pie Larabar and an apple.  Perfect combo of crunch, sweetness, and fat.

 

I was hungry right before leaving work to run some erands, so I grabbed an unpictured string cheese and another apple for some staying power.  I walked for a good 45 minutes to Friendship Heights while chatting with my parents, who are on vacation in New England (great minds think alike, huh?) and got what I needed done.  By the time I got home, I was ready for din!  We were out of greens so I couldn’t make a normal salad, so I improvised.  Into the bowl- 2 perfectly ripe small tomatoes, half an onion, half an avocado, and tons of sprouts, all dressed in a combo of agave, apple cider vin, and mustard.  Topped with half a cup of cottage cheese.

This was pretty tasty, but not the best.  Some spin would have helped.  I also had some foccacia in the freezer that I thawed out for chew.

Of course I had dessert, which was a snack bowl of 2 light rye Wasas, a handful of dry roasted edamame, and a big blob of hummus.

This combo is like crack.  I then proceeded to have three more handfuls of edamame!  They are so delicious and crunchy.  Check out the nutritional stats here:

Then I had a plum for sweetness.  Although I love those edamame, I am glad I have almost completed the 2 lb. container (in a month! oh boy…).  I portion control is not easy for me with those!

M was out at dinna with a friend and when he came back I made him watch Pinocchio, which was on TV with me.  Bad idea.

I got pretty scared in the middle of it. I swear, I am a 2 year old whiny baby.  So I have appeased myself since then by thinking about how much Figaro looks like my precious baby Petey.

Fluffy?  Check.  Plump? Check.  Fabulous?  Doublecheck.

 All in all, it was a great day.  I could have layed off the edamame, and I’m not gonna lie when I say I woke up this morning feeling a little bloated.  Whatever, I’ve been drinking water and will stay healthy for the remainder of the day.  Here’s the sched for the weekend:

Tonight:  Dinner with my lovaa

Saturday 6am:  Bunsie and I hit the road for Pittsburgh for Meghan, our sorority sister’s bridal shower

Saturday noon:  Bridal shower at country club.  Appropriate ensemble already planned, don’t worry.

Saturday afternoon:  Laze with sisters at Meghan’s house singing songs and eating snacks, preferably in underwear

Saturday night:  Meg’s bachelorette celebration at Sing Sing.  Even more appropriate ensemble planned.

Sunday morning:  Wake up- drink Gatorade.  Drive home.

Sunday afternoon/evening:  Clean, grocery shop, snuggle on couch with M.

Happy Friday guys!

It’s a Personal Thing

Lovers!  So glad you guys enjoyed reading about our incredibly fabulous vacation!  We really needed it and I am happy to say that I really feel prepared for what is going to be the busiest time in my life!  My responsibilities at work have increased, oh, 3 or 4 fold in the last month or so, and check out my weekend schedule:

August 29th- Sorority sister’s bachelorette in Pittsburgh

September 5- home to NJ:  dress fitting, other wedding stuff

September 12- DC

September 19- South Bend for the ND-MSU game

September 26- my bridal shower (!!!!) in NJ

October 3- DC

October 10- Sorority sister’s wedding in Pittsburgh

October 18- NJ for more wedding stuff

October 25- DC?  I hope!

October 31- my BACHELORETTE in Carlisle, PA (where my alma mater is)!

I know.  It’s going to be fun, but damn!!!

My eating today has been a little different from normal.  I have been doing some real soul searching over the last few weeks and I decided something- I was uncomfortable eating all of that dairy and meat.  I mean, me, eat steak?  I’ve basically been a vegetarian (except for a couple years’ exception) since I was 11, and I feel like it is just not a part of me to eat all that meat.  More importantly, I haven’t just always avoided meat only because I want to be skinny.  I have truly educated myself on the environmental, societal, health, and moral dangers associated with eating too many animals, and I do firmly believe these things in my heart.  I don’t need to relay them to you- many of you have seen Food, Inc.  But when I was eating those turkey sandwiches, or that piece of steak, I had to force myself to avoid thinking of the inhumane slaughter of animals, of America’s horrible reliance on foreign oil, of the frightening hormones and god knows what else I was ingesting.  And anyone who knows me knows I am an AWFUL liar.  I just don’t lie!  It makes me feel horrible inside.  And I was lying to myself.  Yes, the turkey sandwich did taste good, sausage is perhaps the most delicious thing on earth, and a grilled chicken breast does contain a fair amount of protein, but my heart doesn’t see these positives as good enough reasons to completely go back on everything I have learned and instilled in my being. 

I will mention that I felt fine eating local fresh fish in Newport.  The fish made me feel healthy and happy.  I found it satisfying.  And best of all, I know it wasn;t having the same environmental impacts as having lunchmeat.  For more information on eating healthy, sustainable fish, please see this post by Hil.  So informative, helpful, and reassuring!

So what is the bottom line here?  I don’t know.  That’s why I love having this blog.  I don’t have to have the answers, absolutes, or bottom lines.  I can express my feelings and thoughts about diet, life, and health and learn from my experiences thanks most especially to your wonderful interactions and comments! 

But at least for now, I think the bottom line is a large amount of animal products in a given day, no matter just how much protein they provide, is not For Anna.  My heart’s not in it, and believe you me, my tastebuds much prefer the taste of hummus to the taste of chicken.  Am I a pescetarian?  I don’t know.  I’ll always continue to have baby bites of Mike’s delicious meat products, but having another turkey sandwich at lunch makes me uncomfortable.  So what have I learned?

1.  I went from eating very little protein to tons.  There is a common ground and I can find that using healthy, natural sources like beans, nuts, seeds, yogurt, etc.

2.  Different things work for different people.  I know some people that stick to low carb and are happy and slim.  I know in the blog world, there are some perfectly happy high raw vegans.  I am still trying to find what The Best Diet for Anna is.  I know it’s not raw, strictly vegan, high in animal products, or with minimal carbs and fruit.  I know it has to include tons and tons of fruits and veggies, carbs to make me happy, fat for flavor, and protein for satiety.  How to exactly determine how to balance my meals?  I need to listen to my body.

3.  I no longer need to be afraid of meat.  I’ve eaten it, and it was fine, and if I feel like eating it again, I will.  But I’m not going to force anything that isn’t natural to me.  My body will tell me what’s best. 

4.  I am a work in progress.  Recovery has been a bitch, but I know deep in my soul that I am on the right path.  I am getting married in 6 months, and I know that I will do all in my power to feel beautiful in my wedding dress while chowing down on a big, gorgeous slice of wedding cake.

Uh.  Ok, enough mush.  Onto the healthy meals of the day!  I started off this morning with a green monster made with spin, 4 frozen strawberries, almond milk, and a scoop of protein powder.  Twas delicious.

'Xcuse the gross DC himidity hair. I fixed it, and the makeup, once in the office.

Surprisingly, I wasn’t hungry until lunchtime!  It was then that I took one look at my turkey sandwich and had to throw it out.  I hate wasting food, but the turkey was in tiny pieces and couldn’t be picked out, and my heart was not accepting the poultry.  So I made due with various sides and snacks that I packed for a very delicious and fulfilling lunch with lots of textures and flavors!  I had 2 light rye Wasa crackers, 1/2 an avocado (brown, sorry, don’t get grossed out), some sliced green bell pepper, and a mushy banana topped with a shot (90 calorie pack) of Barney Butter.  Num!

Lunch held me over quite well until it was snacktime.  I haven’t really been having my carby bars recently in an attempt to shove all the protein and fat down my throat I could, so having my very favorite Oatmeal Raisin Clif Bar was pure bliss.  Plus the juiciest plum I have ever had.

M and I had an appointment tonight and I packed some snacks for Mike, and ended up having a bite of his granola bar and a handful of peanuts.  By the time we got home, I was psyched to go back to eating “Anna food”- food I felt really, really good about.  Dinna was a huge and lovely green salad topped with a big blob of Hummus, lemon pepper, TJ’s spicy peanut dressing, and Mary’s Gone Cracker’s croutons.

Dessert was a mouthgasm.  Mango soft serve (just a mango whipped up with a little almond milk to make it smooth) topped with a shot of Barney Butter.

I feel uh-mazing.  Satisfied, healthy, and ready to take on tomorrow.  Thanks for reading my rant- hopefully tomorrow I’ll be back to my surly, wise-cracking, Kim Kardashian worshipping self.  Nighty!

Seafood Extravaganza

Hi!  It’s the beginning of th week, boo.  However, I am feeling surprisingly positive and upbeat.  I think this vacation really gave me a chance to let go of some of the exhaustion and pressures that have totally burned me out.  I’ve been getting a a lot accomplished at work and really organized my priorities, both in and out of the office.  Hooray for productivity!

I can’t believe I made you guys read through an entire recap of Newport without anything to eat!  And you best believe there was some serious eating going down in Newport.  M and I looooovvvee seafood, so we made sure to indulge every chance we got! 

Since we had relatively constructive mornings and afternoons, we didn’t get to exciting eats generally until the evening.  I packed several single serving packets of Amazing Grass to keep me energized and to make up for my lack of numerous servings of spinach each day. 

Mmmmm... swamp juice

I also packed individual packets of Justin’s Almond and Peanut Butter for when I was in a pinch- it supplied an excellent and healthier alternative to cream cheese when we had bagels, and once or twice I may have squeezed a packet directly into my mouth for a snack.

Beach bagel...

Yum

But the real foodie fun was in the evenings.  When we got into Newport on Wednesday night after an only slightly delayed flight, we hightailed it to downtown for something quick and filling.  We settled down on the porch of the low-key Wharf Pub and had some drinks while figuring out what to order.  I ordered the only champagne on the menu, which was a bad idea.

I should know better than to order champagne at a shorts and flipflops type of place. For shame.

We were both absolutely starving since it was already 10:15- not so good.  We both turn into zombies/monsters when we don’t get enough food, so we ordered a serious appetizer to appease our tummies.

Now this is an example of what you DO order at this kind of restaurant.

Don’t hate.  Nachos are absolutely Mike’s favorite appetizer and I would be totally lying if I said I never sampled his treats.  Tonight in particular, I was all over that dish!  Believe it or not, we actually finished them.

Dinner was slightly more refined- I got my classic favorite form of seafood- lobster on top of a fresh green salad.

Normally, restaurants offer you “lobster salad” atop a bed of greens, but I asked for just straight up lobster without the fatty mayo, and I was so happy they agreed.  I then proceded to order bleu cheese dressing on the side, since clearly I was avoiding high fat condiments.  Stupendous.  Lobster is my absolute favorite crustacean.

On Thursday, we had an early dinner before heading out to the baseball game at Tickets Bar and Grill, which is right on the beach.  We sat outside and soaked in the salty air with our meal.  I started with a fabulous, cool glass of Mondavi Reserve Chardonnay.

And enjoyed another amazing salad for my entree.  This was a regular green salad with buttery Boston lettuce, perfect tomatoes, crunchy cucumbers, and my beloved red onions “beefed up” with some lovely chunks of salty feta and a beautiful piece of grilled tuna.

No dressing neccessary, just a squirt of lemon, and I was sinking my teeth into the meatiest tuna I have ever had!

I ordered it “medium” and it was literally cooked to perfection.  I love how both these dinners were at perfectly casual places but had incredibly fresh and high quality seafood- so not like anywhere in DC. 

On Friday night, things got a little more glamorous.  We started out with a drink at Busker’s, a truly authentic and fantastic Irish pub, to watch the first couple innings of the Yankees-Red Sox game.  No we didn’t end up actually  goingto the game in Boston- too much $$ .

Love the barrel tables!

Chardonnay for the lady

 We enjoyed watching the game with some locals, and even found a few Yankees fans to cheer with.  M ordered some wings to hold him over while I waited to get hungry. (Uh, don’t you just hate how guys can have deep fried chicken as a snack?)  We really enjoyed our visit, and were impressed with the selection and service.  We will certainly return- hopefully for dinner next time.

Eventually we got to our restaurant, The Landing, which suited our needs perfectly.  We sat at a high-rise table at the upstairs porch bar, so we were outside but still had a great view of the game playing on a TV by the bar.  I tried getting some night pictures of the beautiful water surrounding us, but had no luck. 

 The atmosphere…

We decided to share an appetizer, and it was hands down the best thing I tasted all vacation.  “Stuffed quahogs” are a local favorite that combine the elements of fresh seafood with New England’s historical Portughese fisherman heritage for the ultimate local dish.  They mince and sautee the meat of local quahog clams and make a slightly spicy, savory stuffing with chorizo sausage, then stuff everything back in the shell and bake.

 Absolutely amazing!  The combination of the sweet clam, slaty sausage and spicy kicks made this dish really stand out.  I wanted to save my appetite though, so I only ate half in anticipation of…

 Another fabulous lobster salad.  This salad had lobster mixed with just a smidge of mayo, s, p, and celery.  I didn’t even need the dressing and loved every bite!

 After dinner, some very Jerseyesque “Bacardi girls” walked around distributing Bacardi paraphernalia.  I bossed Mike to wear this light up pin.  I do love me some pretty girls promoting a good time, Jersey or not, I’m not gonna lie.

Thus my KK obsession. I'll choose to ignore the blonde hair for the time being, hoping this is just a silly phase.

 Later on we had a lovely drink at the outside bar of the  restaurant we tried getting reservations at for that evening, but to no avail.  I had a luscious, buttery Louis Jadot Chardonnay.  Totally overpriced, but nummy to boot.

 You might say that late-night glass of wine was a little unncessary, but what is vacation without frivolty, huh?  I slept nice and late the next morning while Mike worked on his grad school essays, the dear.  By the time I was showered and dressed, it was 1:15 and we were starving and ready to consume our weight in seafood.  And we did.  There was one restaurant that caught our eye downtown that we knew would be perfect for us- The Barking Crab.  Any restaurant that attempts to outright relay its silliness is a-ok in our books.

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The Barking Crab is the epitome of casual New England beach fun.  We sat in the outside seating area which is adjacent to the streets of shops, perfect for people watching.  A fully stocked bar surrounded by people indulging in afternoon drinking and listening to laid back music contributed to the festive vibe.  I loved sitting at a legit picnic table, using plastic silverware stored in buckets on the tables, and watching the various dogs that waited by their familys’ feet, hoping for a fallen nibble.

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As I said, we were huuunnggrry so we started with an appetizer of crab cakes, amongst M’s and my historic favorite foods.  I say this almost every time I have a good crabcake, but this may be hands down the best crab cake I ever had.  I tasted almost no breadcrumbs or extras, just fresh, sweet crab carmelized in a little fat and drizzled with a lovely spicy aioli sauce.

 We swooned.  I stopped myself at one cake, because we had so much more food coming!!

 My entree of choice was the daily special of a grilled local grouper topped with a strawberry salsa and served along cucumbers and cherry tomatoes lightly dressed with herbs and lemon.  I am not a huge fan of fruit salsas, so I abandoned that portion, but the fish was so delicious!  It was grilled to perfection, just a little smoky and chewy, but bursting with fresh flavor.  Heaven.

 While waiting to order, I saw a family sharing an order of what looked like the world’s most amazing onion rings.  M and I ordered them to share, and I kid you not when I say these were the best onion rings of my life.  The batter was so incredibly crispy, and they sometimes encased several rings of onion in layers.  I’m not going to lie- I had several dipped in ketchup and loved every bite.

 The Barking Crab was certainly one of the highlights of the trip, and our very favorite meal.  We loved the laid-back atmosphere, the fresh food cooked to a level of excellence worthy of a five star restaurant, and the amazing service.  I can’t WAIT to go back!

 So amongst all this delicious seafood, you would think there would be no room for snacks, right?  WRONG!  I made a deal with myself before the trip that I would have frozen yogurt as often as I wanted, and I kept my promise to myself.  To kick the trip of correctly, some fat free soft serve at the airport before takeoff.

A medium cup of frozen yogurt from Sprinkles on Bowen’s Wharf with fat free, sugar free vanilla raspberry swirl and chocolate peanut butter yogurt.  Yeah, I leave the kiddie size yogurts to the kids.  It’s a serious treat for me, so I’m gonna make sure I donn’t woss out on getting enough!

We  also stopped at Newport Creamery on the way hom e from the beach one afternoon after a particularly puny lunch.  I had another chocolate peanut butter yogurt and was in pure bliss.

 

 

Don’t worry!  Desert didn’t stop there.  On Saturday afternoon while watching the baseball game at a bar, I took a break and got my ultimate childhoos vacation treat:  fudge. 

Mike and I shared this half a slice, and I was going crazy. 

 Having these sweets reminded me of all the numminess I miss out on a normal basis.  Seriously, desserts, yogurt, etc. are so delicious and fulfilling.  A girl shouldn’t need to only do it on special occasions, right?

 

Anyway, our very final dinner on Saturday was at the Cook’s Inn in Bannister’s Wharf.  I’ll tell you, this was this quintessential perfect Newport dinner.  We managed to score seats in the front of the restaurant that put us right on the street for prime people watching.  I fully indulged staring at the ladies in their Lilly dresses and the men in their seersucker shorts.  Reminded me of college   Making the evening even more fabulous was a delicious French rose that I sipped throughout the meal.  Look at how close we were to the foot traffic!

 The Cook’s Inn is awesome- it is in a beautiful old house with lots of different areas for dining and drinking.  There’s a porch, several bar areas, a big dining room that is all open windows, and a more intimate and romantic dining area as well.  Check us out on the uber-cool brightly colored director’s chairs they had outside.  So New England.

 Mike really was having fun, I swear.  He just doesn’t smile for cameras often, for some reason.  I’ll work on it.  Anyway, M ordered the Rhode Island clam chowder to start, which is different from New England clam chowder in that it is broth based and has a delicious taste of dill.  Check out the gigantic oyster cracker!  I bit into it and a gigantic chunk fell to the ground, much to the delight of the adorable Cavalier King Charles Spaniel that was sitting next to us.

 For my entree, I got a local cod that was sauteed in a vinaigrette and topped with carmelized onion and anchovies.  The fish was served over a salty vegetable salad.

 You can’t see them, but there were four lovely pitted (yay!) kalamata olives in the salad.  Loved those.

 I’m so down with the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles’ culinary tastes- anchovies are the best!  These were amongst the most garlicky I have ever tasted.

 The fish was truly divine- very fresh and perfectly cooked.  The extras were pretty good, but the fish was so lovely that the salty salad kind of took away from the purity of the dish.  Regardless, I loved every bite.  But I was still hungry!!  So I had Mike order me these.  We pretended to “share” them, but I definitely ate 2/3.

 My very very very favorite “splurge” food is French fries.  Not McDonald’s french fries, but thick, soft, carmelized pieces of potatoes carefully fried in oil.  I try to have French fries as often as I can when I am on vacation, so I was thrilled with my little add-on.

Dinner was lovely, and just as we were about to leave town to hit the hay, I realized that there was one treat I hadn’t had that I truly wanted.  The Cookie Jar, a bakery across from our resturant, was calling my name all night.  I could smell the lusciousness from many feet away.  It was our last night of vacay, and I definitely wanted me a brownie.  Uncharacteristically, Mike didn’t want any!  He was stuffed from his humugo burger stuffed with Rocquefort and then topped with Rocquefort (I had a bite and nearly died of pleasure).

 So right.  I ate my nummy brownie, then we drove back to our hotel and called it an early night so we could get up at 5:30 to catch an early flight.  Eating that brownie was literally the “icing on the cake” of this trip.  Yes, I ate a LOT.  Yes, I had more sweets last week than I normally have in a month.  But totally, totally worth it. 

Getting away from my high-pressure job (where it’s considered admirable to not have a life and send emails out at 2:00am), my high pressure wedding planning, and my high pressure ed treatment was the best part of the vacation.  Enjoying the scenery, being in NewEngland, and forgetting about calories made me feel even freer and happier.  Then of course, the most important part:

My bestie.  Basically, I told Mike I was miserable and burnt out a couple of weeks ago, and he booked this all just for me, just because he wanted  to make me happy.  I am the luckiest girl on the entire earth to be marrying this amazing man.  Thank you, darling, for a truly refreshing, wonderful, indulgent trip! 

Hope you guys enjoyed the food recap.  I really enjoyed writing about all of our wonderful experiences.  Next time I am ready to wring my own neck at work (which is likely to be soon), I will imagine I am on the beach in Newport, soaking in the sun with life’s neccessities- my studly fiance and a Diet Coke.

I look forward to returning to regular posting tomorrow. I love me some routine, and I’m ready to get back at it!  Good night!

Back from Newport

Weeeeeeeeee’re back!  I missed you guys

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Hope you guys have had a great week- in case you can’t tell, we had an absolutely amazing time!  I can’t possibly relay it all to you tonight and still get my beauty rest, so please bear with a multipost recap of the fun.  Newport was absolutely to-DIE-for.  It was totally perfect for our mini-vacay and such a wonderful way to escape.  2009 has been awfully stressful for us, and sometimes we don’t realize just how much weight we have on our shoulders until we take some time to get away from it all.  Wedding planning, Mike’s applying to business school, constant doctors’ appointments and medical bills for me, realizing once Mike starts school we will having only one income, our jobs (which are getting harder and harder by the day), plus the general stress of approaching a marriage and a life together, have left us tired and strung out.  Mainly me.  Spending a few days away from my (although important) physically, monetarily, and emotionally draining ed treatment, my beyond intense job, and wedding planning felt wonderful.  We focused on rest, fun, and food.   We enjoyed breathing air untainted by DC’s disgusting humidity, work deadlines, and medical bills. 

Newport is fabulous and there is so much to do- we didn’t get to cover everything but chose the best activities for our energy level and the weather.  We of course, spent some time at the beach.

Loving this book

In typical New England fashion, it was basically grey through much of the trip, but that didn’t stop us from enjoying the incredible smelling air, the sand that makes you forget your problems, and beautiful Atlantic ocean.

Tranquility

Breakfast Friday morning

Food tastes so much better at the beach, doesn’t it?

The weather picked up on Friday and we relished a sunnier day with a sweet-smelling breeze and very unusual warm water.

Side-tie bathing suits are a MUST for me. As are lethal weapon strength bikini tops in plus sizes, despite being a size 2 or 4 on the bottom.

The best part about the beach- the eye candy

One of the highlights of the trip was taking a break from our towels to do the Cliff Walk, which is 3.5 mile public walkway that runs from First Beach (where we were) to Bailey’s beach.  Along the way you have breathaking views of the ocean on one side, and on the other side of you are Newport’s most lavish and exquisite mansions; including the Breakers, a Vanderbilt mansion built in the Gilded Age.

Fancy

We decided not to do tours of the mansions (because I wanted to stay as far away from work-related activities as possible), but loved seeing their architectural beauty from the outside.  Even better were the views of the ocean and its surrounding landscapes.  Delish.

God there is something about breathing that sea air, getting natural exfoliation from the sand, and throwing oneself in the salty waves that is so cleansing and cathartic.  Oh yeah, and I love getting a tan too!

Loves it. But it has already started fading

Less makeup required? Check.

Other outdoor activities were enjoyed, including taking in a minor league baseball game (the Pawtucket Red Sox), which was an absolute blast.  The stadium, of course, is smaller, and these games are a lot more family-oriented.  Plus being outside and seeing the sunset made my life.

Action shot!  Mike loves minor league games because he can get close enough to the players to heckle them.

M also insisted on wearing his Yankees hat all over New England just to spite all the Sox fans.  I gotta give props to my love- he is as loyal as can be.

Stadium snacks for 2: a Newport Storm beer and a sausage and pepper sandwich for Mike, and a glass of Chardonnay and a pretzel for me. Yum!

To my delight, we also took a wonderful trip to  Newport Vineyards for a tour and tasting. 

The truth is, I feel like a real dope when it comes to wine, so I am always grateful for any chance I have to learn more!  I particularly enjoyed hearing about the extensive oaking process that occurs in these beautiful handmade barrels over long periods of time.

 

And of course, there was tasting afterwards.  Each person got to taste 5 wines, but since Mike and I shared our one ounce pours, we got to taste ten!  It was such a fun yet educational experience.  Check out our guide, Joe- he was such a ham!

The best part was tasting this “In the Buff,” completely unoaked, extra virgin Charndonnay and comparing it with their regular Chardonnay, which they are best known for.  There was a world of difference!

And we, of course, took plenty of time to walk around Newport and just soak in the wonderful sights, the fabulous shops,  and (in my case) people watch.  One of the things Mike and I kept on noticing was how family and dog friendly the town is.  We can’t wait to bring our dogs and kids here one day!  From the kid-friendly sculptures adorning the streets to the dogs allowed in shops and restaurants, we definitely felt the love.

We did the absolute best shopping at the Nutcracker Suite Christmas Store.  We met the owners, Kevin and Cheryl, the previous night while out on the town, and had a blast chatting and laughing with them.  They are native New Englanders and (get this) newlyweds! 

Their store is absolutely precious- in, of course, a beautiful mid nineteenth century house, they have thousands of beautiful Christmas ornaments artfully displayed.  I literally wanted to do all of my Christmas shopping there.  They had everything from ballerina to sports to religious to classic glass ball ornaments.  Mike and I chose several for our families, but I can’t show you guys or it’ll ruin their surprise! 

I do hope this picture of LL in her better days will suffice instead.

As I hope you can see, we did tons of awesome acitivities, but this is just the tip of the iceberg.  You better bet we did some serioso eating and drinking. 

Stay tuned!  I’m so glad to be back- hope your Mondays go well